Sainan no Kekka
by Visions Unwanted
Summary: Sometimes, Wufei learns, good things can come out of repeating bad things. M/M RELATIONSHIP!


WARNING: What you are about to read is Shounen ai, Slash, or commonly known as m/m relationships. Yes, folks, Men in Love. If you have a problem with this, or you are not allowed to associate with any type of gay material (though this is just PG - PG-13), then please do not read this. Don't put me down because of the fact I write this type of fiction. I don't want any flames saying that I suck because I support Gay Relationships. If you do intend to do this, go find something else to do. I don't like it when people pick on people of another race or religion or sexual orientation. That's wrong, if you want to know something that's even "wronger" than gay relationships, in your opinion. *snorts* And this is not something I take lightly, so if you do flame me something like that, you are not going to get away with it. Trust me. (Note: No, I don't mind if I do get regular flames! Just not ones that descriminate.)  
  
ALSO: I do not own these characters.  
  
DESC: This is a fiction about Wufei finding something horrible that seems to continue in his life, and him finding out that maybe it's better than he thought it would be. ~Kayleene~  
  
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Confusion... Lots of psychotic, numbing confusion. Not that it really matters, anymore. I guess it's been a while since I've had a major conflict with someone.. even Duo seems to be a passerby, these days. But the last few days, with Heero being...  
  
I pushed the thoughts to the other end of my mind. Heero was not a concern to me. Not now, not ever. But the thoughts came back to me, as if magnitized by the sinking feeling in my chest.  
  
Maybe I should just go and finish it off, like I had wanted to do before... before it happened. But that was the past, and the past was behind me, now. Though I knew in my heart that this was not true, I couldn't relieve the echo in my mind that told me it would go away in time. The other echo.. the echo that told me it was going to kill me... That echo was louder. Impossibly louder.  
  
I just would not admit to myself about what was truly going on. I would not allow the memory of the past few nights repeat themselves. Heero was lying in a cold Hospital room in the base at the moment, but I couldn't admit that. It wasn't true, couldn't be true. Could never be true. Heero Yuy never got hurt... He never had pain, in my eyes. Never.  
  
I guess the time has come, though, for the problems to resurface and take control again. The whole war has kept me in chains for the lonest of times, and it would seem I don't know where to begin, anymore. They could've started back then, before the war. It seemed that the Colony I had lived in was unaware of the approaching danger. All of them, unaware. Including...  
  
I wince and clutch at my tanned skin until it turns the purest of whites... but I don't see it. All I see is the memory. The memory that refuses to leave me alone.. but this time, it's changed. It's different, now.  
  
...It always starts out with me, a boy but of eight years old. I lay in the bed, listening to her quiet breathing. Had I known. known just what would become of us--Of me. Of our future... my future. Her beauty had seemed so endlessly ethereal to me at the time.. but I refused, as did she. Who could've believed I would regret it later on?  
  
...A change in scenery. Me, standing amidst fire and ash, bodies and blood. Screaming from all around me as bombs rained down on the colony houses. I had been frantic, searching for her amongst the fleeting, crying peoples I had known all of my life. Far lost within the crowd, I had found her. I held her tightly, yelling over the screams.  
  
"Get out of here, it's not safe anymore!"  
  
Among the screams of pain and fleeting Mothers and Children, my words seemed only a whisper. I wasn't sure if she had heard me or not, but my thoughts were stopped the moment I noticed something. The eyes I were staring into were no longer black, no longer laced with tears.  
  
They were cobalt... and they shown with fear. Not rage or emotionlessness, but pure adrenaline and fear. Recognizing the eyes, something sunk further in my body. He was afraid. Just as I, he was afraid... and his eyes radiated it. But they shown with something else, also. Something among those other feelings, that I hadn't noticed before. Something I never thought I would live to see. Complete and utter trust.  
  
We were still in a crowd of bodies and fleeing victims, but all else seemed to be drown out by the silence and tensity of the moment between Heero and I. He smiled just faintly--sadly, even. His eyes were closer... and then was when I noticed that he had gotten closer to me. The heat radiated from him, and I gladly allowed it to burn into my skin, even if there was fire all around.   
  
I seemed at a loss for a moment, a loss of realization. The colony was being destroyed, but I ignored the flames. He leaned closer to me with the smile still on his lips. It seemed as a bittersweet moment to me... one to be treasured for my keeping. Forever in my keeping. Still, closer and closer he got. Just when I swore I felt a light something on my own lips, he stepped back from me.  
  
I was given an almost crooked smile, but I didn't smile back. Something... something was wrong. Something was to happen, and soon. The feeling had crept up and along my spine, chilling to the very core. My senses had seemed to high at the moment, that I had pushed the feeling back into the epitome of myself. In the daze, I saw those innocent lips open. He was saying something... but the words never reached me over the next sound.  
  
A pillar from the Church's steps had shaken loose in the uproar of flames. I hadn't seen it in time, and apparently.. neither did he. The next moments were almost a blur of haze and adrenaline, the high feeling not wavering. The tall, burning pillar had begun to fall, and it seemed to play out the scene in slow motion as I watched what happened. In what felt as a heartbeat and went by like a year, Heero Yuy was gone. The pillar, in all flaming and holy Glory... had struck him down and had not wasted the hit.  
  
The next moments of my life seemed of the purest of Hell, but my torments weren't over. Someone picked me up, running and carrying me out of the colony. It felt as if all of life had betrayed me as I could only watch him laying on the ground. The blood was pooling around him. The dizziness of the past moments had nearly drown me, and I woke up to find I had fainted. The memory of what had happened was fresh.. and it stung.  
  
The sheer velocity hits me when I jerk from my newest memories. I find my limbs numb, clenched hands around my arms preventing blood flow. A coppery taste on my tongue makes me realize. I had bitten my lip, and bloodied skin underneathe my finger nails makes me aware that I had gotten lost in my own memory.  
  
There was now a stabbing feeling in my heart that it seemed I couldn't ignore. A new wave of worry crashes over me as I come to realization.  
  
I am alone.  
  
...Throughout my life, I had taken only one love... Her. But since the day, I had not seen one bit of the emotion I used to have. Until that day that Heero had...  
  
Another memory began to wash over me. I welcomed it, briefly wishing for the Hell that would come in moments.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
(Three days previous...)  
  
A mission had been given, orders fired. Heero and I were out on battlefield, scheduled to blow up a short-term OZ base. According to the orders given, the OZ were all stationed outside of the base, fearing that they would be tracked somehow and be found out. Heero had managed to work even further into the case with that laptop of his, preventing most thought-up attack plans. But what we hadn't counted on, was having a deactivated Gundam hidden in the area. It could be activated on command, something neither of us would've thought about.  
  
I had stopped in mid-field as Heero sent random strategies to me as to how they could deactivate the hyper-sensative material inside the base and destroy the entire site without becoming victimized, as well. I hadn't thought of the possibility that I was just a sitting duck... And that had cost me.  
  
In mid-sentence, Heero stopped talking on the screen. It seemed he was trying to get something out, but wasn't fast enough.  
  
"Wufei! There's--" Heero began to talk once more, but he was abruptly cut short. Then I saw it. A flash of some sort of metal... An obvious shot rang through the air. I heard some sort of scream... A curse, definately. Until I realized that it was Heero's.  
  
A cry... Of what, power? Fright? No, a different...  
  
Then my eyes saw what my mind could not puzzle together. Heero's Gundam was in front of mine, blocking the path of... a shot. He had taken a shot for me, while my mind had wandered. Another shot, but this time, I could tell it wasn't angled directly at Heero and I.  
  
The shot had been directed at a cliff that hung over Heero's Gundam. We'd knew there would be mountains in the area before, but we hadn't taken in consideration of what could happen. What could become. The cliff was huge, practically big enough to be a mountain on it's own terms. And the blast had broken it... had made it fall... had made it.  
  
A crash, but I couldn't see what had happened until moments later, when Heero's Gundam lost balance. It had keeled over to the side, the impact of the bludgeoning cliff was bad enough that it had dented a mold into the head of Heero's Gundam. I was too stunned to move for a second, but unlike the last two times, I regained my conciousness quickly. It didn't take long for me to locate and annialate the offending Gundam, but it took me forever to realize I had lost contact with Heero's Gundam. The Main Computer was blown... and that was so close to...  
  
Mentally bashing myself, I tried to reason that Heero could survive anything--and everything--that you throw at him. But the fact was, I was downright scared. It seemed that it had ended the way of my re-made memory, the one of my Colony's destroying. With me staring into Heero's eyes. Cobalt.  
  
I quickly sent in for help, but it seems that I couldn't talk very well. As if I'd been hurt by the impact on Heero's Gundam. As if I'd taken a shot and then gotten bludgeoned. As if I... As if I was in that Gundam, not him.  
  
Sally tried to be sweet as she broke the news to me, but I still stared her down as the others only looked on. I had threatened, I had screamed.. I had done everything but do the one thing I'd wished I'd done. Cried.  
  
Not one of them mentioned it the next day. No one mentioned the accident, but they kept throwing comments my way. Little praises for acting so quickly, and assurances that Heero indeed would be alright. I hardly believed them.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I close my mouth and try to breathe deep, my lungs acting like they hadn't been used in the longest of times. Memories still ran fluent through me, but I let them run. I didn't care about justice anymore. I didn't care about Nataku anymore, but I silently did pray for Nataku's help.  
  
I was going to see Heero, though it was likely that he'd only narrow his eyes and glare at me, or sit there and just make little comments. It was just Heero. Maybe thats what I love about him, I thought. Maybe thats why I keep thinking of Her. Thinking of the Irony of the situations. Yes, thats it. Irony.  
  
What I didn't catch onto was I'd thought those words. Out loud. Lucky me the only two in the house were Quatre and I. I didn't mind the Pilot, but he could become annoying, very rarely. Trowa had gone with Duo, seeming intent to help the braided man with his problems. It had worked for the first few minutes, but Duo had also slunk into a deep depression, and now he was intent on being a drunk for the rest of his life.  
  
'It numbs the pain,' I remembered him saying. 'Besides... have you ever seen a drunk man who wasn't having a good time?'  
  
It would figure of Maxwell to add in his own bitter humor, but I didn't pay attention to anyone during the rest of those moments. In fact, since the accident, I'd only spoken to Sally and to Trowa. Trowa had offered a gentle comfort in silence that I really had needed. Sally had been the one who had told me Heero was in a coma, all of the others being too afraid to tell me I was the reason their best pilot was in the Hospital.  
  
But all thoughts aside, I decide I will go. I stand up and walk down the hall slowly. It was good to be in the safe house again, but it just didn't feel the same without the presence of the Japanese pilot. I pick up my coat, slipping it over my thin body and shutting it to my skin. I slip sandals on, afraid of being heard by footstep throughout the hospital.  
  
My skin crawls with the feelings I had tried to bury, but I can't stop them now. I can't stop anything, not even the same, damned tears that will eventually roll down my face.  
  
I open my bedroom door and slip out, hoping I will go unnoticed. I make a mental note about the state of Quatre's mind, and figure he is probably watching TV or off in his room, thinking. The rich Arabian seems to do that a lot more than he used to. I believe everyone seems to do a lot more thinking, since the accident. I slip through the hall, not catching any unwanted attention as my footsteps are silent.  
  
Down the stairs. Behind the couch, as I enter the living room. My calculations were not correct, I soon realize, as I feel a hand on my shoulder. A soft, innocent, and intent voice echoes just slightly through the room around me.  
  
"..Wufei, where are you going?"  
  
Slowly I turn to face Quatre, met with the worried eyes of a friend. I mumble my response, sure that he would catch it. "Out. I'll be back later. If Maxwell or Barton come home and ask of me... I'm in my bedroom, reading, and I am not to be disturbed. This is our secret."  
  
He nods, but I catch a hint of curiousity as I search his eyes. "Okay, then. If they ask, I will tell them."  
  
I shake my head, "No. Tell them when they get here. Barton will want to follow Maxwell, who will be drunk. Reguardless of if I want to be bothered or not, Maxwell will go in. Tell Barton I wish for him to watch the braided psycho and keep a leash on him, so he doesn't get in."  
  
He nods, understanding now showing clear in his deep, innocent eyes. "Allright, then. I will tell them."  
  
I turn to leave, slowly making my way to the door. With my back turned, I stop as I hear a voice call out, "And Wufei?"  
  
"Nani?" I ask without turning. I can hear him breathing near heavily, but he is trying to keep it quietier than it should be. His voice falters for a second, before I can practically feel the slight smile on his face.  
  
"Tell him," he told me, voice no longer faltering. I only smirked slightly, and although he didn't see me, it made me feel better. Well, slightly, anyway.  
  
"Hai."  
  
As I stepped onto the porch of the 'cabin', I look up at the night sky. I smile a bit bitterly and watch it for a moment. "I will, Quatre. I will."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
As my sandal-clad feet make soft noises on the hospital floor, I am thinking about what Quatre said. He had said what I had been silently repeating as my mantra. I look at the floor and stare at my reflection, outside of his door. "I will," I whisper, before I slowly grab the door knob and go in.  
  
Heero lay on the hospital bed, nearly as pale as the sheets, which scares me for a moment. I walk next to him, my teeth biting at my lip almost nervously. I had heard that people in comas can hear and remember things told to them, but I still don't know about that. I don't know about this whole thing, either. It seems a bit more risky than a mission would, at this point. Though I'd bet that anything would be easier than admitting to your same sex co-worker that you love them. Even if they were in a coma, too.  
  
I breathe in Heero's scent. Something of pine and a unique likeness that I know he claims. It's manly while still being the fifteen year old boy that has it. I reach out to touch the soft hair, when I am met with soft and tired cobalt eyes. My own, almond-shaped eyes go wide with realization and something close to fear. He stares at me with those half-lidded eyes, as if judging me warily.  
  
My hand still hovered near him, but I pull it back and tuck it at my side. He stares a moment longer, then slowly shakes his head in a firm, but weak, response. I only stare emotionlessly, or so I hope, as he reaches out his hand for mine. I don't resist, too afraid that what is happening will only become one of those memories and that I may never want it to end. I watch as he takes my hand and places it on his cheek. My thumb, as if working on it's own, begins to lightly carress his skin.  
  
I stand for a moment longer, but soon I grow tired and sit in the chair next to him. He allows me my hand back. When I began to talk, he shook his head again and cleared his throat.  
  
"...Wh-why did you pull away?" His weak voice asks, and he clears his throat once more. For a moment, I look as if I were confused, or fighting myself. But I now realize he is asking about the episode when I went to touch him. I frown for a moment and shrug slightly.  
  
"I don't know, exactly. Nor do I know why I had my hand there, in the first place," I reply quietly, although something within screams, 'liar!', at this point. He stares at me for a moment, as if broken.  
  
He then seems to suck it up and clears his throat again. "...Wufei, I..." But my hand suddenly reaches and takes his. He stops, staring at my hand in awe and maybe even satisfaction.  
  
He is wallowing in silence from the moment I touch him, but I break in with my voice, "...Why did you jump in front of me, Heero? Why did you... allow... yourself harm?"  
  
He seems to consider this for a long moment, and whispers, "..Because it couldn't end like that. ...Because... Things meant to be started... Weren't in consideration. Like they were supposed to be. Like they... need ...to be."  
  
It was my turn to stare, now. Was this a confession of love? For me? Me? The person who doesn't deserve love? The person who has the memories continue... over and over? I feel myself flush pink. Blushing? When did I do that last?  
  
My mind is full of questions I'm too afraid to ask, but it seems that I don't need to ask them, as I look into Heero's eyes. The eyes tell me everything I could and couldn't think of, more even. I feel his hand tighten around mine, and I feel it run down my cheek.  
  
It's cool on my heated skin, and it sends shivers down my spine. But most of all, it shocks me, and it must have shocked Wufei, as well. I held his hand tighter, as well. "..Hai. Like they... Need to be."  
  
He and I both knew, that instant, that this had been planned out. From day one of each of our lives, it had been mapped out to end this way. So neither of us would hurt anymore. Neither of us would be numb anymore. Neither of us would regret everything that had happened in our lives anymore.  
  
He hugged me tightly, and for a moment I felt as if something that had been on my chest since the day I was born had been lifted. As if someone who cared, didn't die because they cared, but they were... willing ...to die, because they cared. We pull away and stare into eachother's eyes almost as if penetrating eachother to the soul.  
  
And for the first time in my life, the eyes I'm looking into aren't full of pain along with love.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
Author's Comments: *giggles idly* No, I don't own Gundam Wing, blah blah blah. *laughs suddenly* I just love the way this story works out. It's too cute, among other things. I don't know how well I portrayed Heero Yuy, though, so if you could help me by telling me through the reviews, that'd be a big, big help to improve future fics! Thank you all who... stayed this long to read it! *laughs* This is my longest story that only has one chapter. Who knows, maybe I'll add another chapter in the future, ne? Sound good? *laughs* The trouble is getting me motivated. It's okay, folks. All is well. Woo! ~Kayleene  
  
Much love! R+R!!!! 


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